3 Rules That Will Change Your Life In Quarantine
Molly Dobbs, photo by Ori Jones Photography
I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m a workaholic.
I railed against being called ‘keen’ or ‘precocious’ as a not so thinly veiled dig for a long time, telling my friends and family that “that’s just what it takes to make it in this business” while ducking out of Christmas hangouts to email casting directors, and skipping slices of pizza to get ready for that dance call.
I still maintain that the business I’ve chosen demands an insane amount out of you, and that it’s very hard for those who aren’t inside it to understand what a full time job it is “being the CEO of your own company - You” as we’re fondly told throughout school.
But I have come face to face with my fear of stopping during quarantine - as I feel we all have.
When the world stopped, as well as the ability to set aside our anxieties and the pressures of this world that we’ve chosen to live in, what are we left with?
How do we cope?
Here are some rules that I have made myself follow. Because with lack of structure, you gotta make your own, right?
1. It’s ok to take a break.
We’ve all had to redefine our relationship and definition of the word ‘work’ these days.
As a young actor in this community, you are taught that there is always someone who can replace you, and to combat that, you can never stop working. You have to always be filming self tapes, canvasing emails to anyone who could help you get ahead, constantly watching your back and your mouth (because everyone knows someone), be in class every week and learning new rep every month. Oh! And you should be learning a new skill too. Can you play saxophone? It’s exhausting. But we do it because we’d rather be ‘running on empty’ doing this than do anything else in the world. We dig in, and the exhaustion and over exertion becomes the norm. We settle in to mile 27 of the never ending marathon. We see all our friends running beside us so we assume everything is running smoothly.
And then the world stops spinning.
I think for a lot of actors, the first reaction to ‘mandatory lockdown’ was panic. How could we possibly continue the marathon if we cannot leave our houses? Luckily, we live in a community that is built around the internet, and with some incredibly talented, positive and adept artists that have been able to fill our days with Zoom yoga, tap classes, voice lessons, Q & As and support. I am so grateful for that. But I think another important Q & A to have during this period of time is the one with yourself. With our community struggling with the loses of family and friends, fear for their relatives and questions about how to pay their rent, it’s important to take some time to let all of this stress and pain we are living in marinate, and not run past it and into how we can be productive and not get sucked down by it. It’s ok to binge all the Harry Potter films or spent the day in bed with a book. It’s ok to take a day off of working out to make banana bread and then eat it all in one sitting. My mother always tells me that in times of stress, we need ‘creature comforts’. What she means by this is, if you were a small furry animal, what would you allow yourself to do? Take time for your furrowed brow and broken heart. You earned it, sis.
2. Reframe ‘work’ with ‘remind yourself why you love doing your art.’
In a day and age where we all spent years learning the evolution of Threepenny Opera into Rent and diving deep into long forgotten gems of songs, and the impact
they had on the theatrical landscape, can we admit it’s a little depressing when the brief usually calls for “two 16 bar cuts of pop-rock songs (NOT MUSICAL THEATRE)”? I encourage you to take time to look through your book, yes, but with the perspective of looking through a scrapbook of your childhood- fondly and with joy. Remember why you picked those songs in the first place, and why you love to sing them. And if you wanna have an Evita moment in your bathroom with a hairbrush? I applaud that. And if the songs in your book don’t ‘spark joy,’ this is the perfect opportunity to find some that do. Because you’re at your best not when you’re showing them what you think they want to see, but when you’re genuinely having fun.
Sing some duets with your quarantine pals. Read some new works but diverse young artists. Do a reading of a Chekov play, but every time they drink vodka, you drink too.... Actually maybe don’t do that, you’ll die. The bottom line is, I challenge you to take this time to rediscover why you decided to do this with your life. It was a hard choice to make, and you did it because you love it. Don’t let’s forget to celebrate that.
3. In times of great stress, you’re going to revert to your old ‘Factory Settings’.
A couple years ago, I was finally diagnosed with the anxiety disorder my parents and friends always knew I had. But this time we had a name. OCD with Intrusive Thought Patterns. Basically this means that although I grew out of the compulsions I had as a child, what I thought was just an ‘addictive personality’ was technically a chemical imbalance in my brain that made it impossible to ‘just walk away’.
Before I got on the proper medication, my life was controlled by paranoia, self hate, body dysmorphia and feeling worthless.
Once I got the help that I needed, an amazing therapist and some proactive thought patterns to follow, my inner life flipped. But here’s the rub. In times of crisis, our brains will always revert us to our ‘factory settings.’ This means that with all this extra time and energy we’re not using, all those fun bad habits of anxiety, depression or destructive behavior start to rear their cute little furry heads. Fantastic news.
Anyone else feel like they’re picking fights with their partner? Staring in the mirror for too long and finding bits of themselves that they hate? Spiraling into self doubt and picking at old emotional scars you thought you dealt with years ago? Yup. Me too. It’s like all of your triggers are on the stove, and someone just turned the heat on. We have less traction in getting a hold of them than we do in ‘normal life’.
So how are we expected to get through at least another month of being locked inside with our own brains without pulling our hair out/breaking up with our partners/ eating the entire house/working out so hard we collapse?
There are three simple steps that can get you through a lot of this.
Step one: Hey, old Friend.
I didn’t realize I was feeling vulnerable to all my cute little monsters until I got off a Zoom Happy Hour (arguably the best thing to come out of lockdown) and immediately was gripped by the thought “All of my friends hate me. Everything that I said was stupid and now I am judged and alone.” Two years ago, I would have spiraled HARD. But today, with proper perspective, I just laughed. This is my challenge to you. Greet all your insecurities, vulnerabilities and inner monsters as old friends and have compassion for them. After all, they’re just coming out today because they’re scared too and they need some attention. Say “Hello there. What’s up today? No, you can’t control my day, but you can tell me what you need and we’ll see what we can do.” After all, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
Step 2: Don’t reinvent the wheel today.
In Buddhism we use the term ‘the second arrow’ to talk about the extra judgement and guilt we place on ourselves when we indulge in behaviors (mentally and physically) that we know aren’t healthy. The first arrow is cast when we are wounded by a thought or fear and respond. The second arrow is the judgement we place on ourselves for having that thought, fear or response in the first place. This can come in the form of “I should be better than this by now”,“I need to go for a run” or “I just want to eat and sleep... but I can’t!”
Henny, please don’t do this to yourself.
If you find yourself (within reason) indulging in the things you know make yourself feel better, just let that be ok. Now is not the time to break your sugar habit or coffee addiction. If going for a long run keeps you from panicking, do it. Within reason. This ‘big girl’ approach comes with the responsibility of knowing your limits and minimizing hurt. If you are struggling with addiction, eating disorders or any other excessive habits, please confide in someone you trust to help you though this dark time.
The last thing I want to leave you with is something I stole from Brene Brown who is my patron saint of all therapists everywhere. In her new podcast Unlocking Us, which started just as lockdown did, she talks about when it’s ok to panic. A lot of time we panic when we don’t have enough information about the subject. Which is just wasting time and valuable energy that could be used for snacking. Only panic if you have enough reliable information to warrant it. Coming from a bride who just replanned her entire wedding from March to October and still isn’t sure if it’ll be going forward, if I can do it BooBoo, you can too!
So whether you’re learning how to make bread, starting your own small business, or a 27 year old woman experiencing TikTok for the first time, take a breath, drink some water and settle in. We got this.
photo by Ori Jones Photography
Molly Dobbs is a California born actress with a background in Musical Theatre and a Masters Degree in Classical Acting from LAMDA. She has worked all over the United States - notably playing Sophie in Mamma Mia (PCPA), Katherine in Newsies (Utah Festival Opera), Johanna in Sweeney Todd (Oregon Cabaret Theatre) and Val in A Chorus Line (Multiple Theatres).
