COVID-19 Closures: Kaycee Swierc (Texas State University)

The COVID-19 pandemic continues change the world as we know it. As closures and performance cancellations have put actors out of school and work, I’ve been reaching out to the artists affected. Here are their stories.

By Kaycee Swierc

I am a senior in the BFA Acting program at Texas State University. While my degree is in acting, I quickly learned while in school that my true passion was doing behind the table work. I was hired to direct a production of Almost, Maine for a brand new production company in November of 2019. From November to the following March I was constantly working on building the beautiful world of this play. Little did I know that the world that was built would end up saving me from COVID-19 isolation depression.

Most people would be quick to call Almost, Maine a puff piece. Sure. It's sweet, romantic, and makes you leave feeling all gooey at your core. And what of it? I am someone who deeply loves love. And my first and most faithful love has always been theatre. I know that sounds so #justtheatregirlthings, but it’s true. I got to hire my dream cast and production team and we all had already dove in deep to rehearsals and production work. With each moment I fell more in love with each aspect of the world we were building. This time was truly like one big serotonin rush. True, unadulterated happiness.

Then, as I’m sure you can assume, everything got flipped onto its head. When news came in that everything theatre-related was shutting down around me, including Almost, Maine, I was completely heartbroken. So much incredible art was about to be canceled due to this horrible and scary virus. I was seeing my friends in deep mourning for the art they had dedicated so much of their time and heart to.

Then it hit me. It’s not just the season shows at Texas State that are lost. Senior Year events are gone. Canceled. I would most likely not be in the same room as my BFA class again. For those of you who are unfamiliar with what exactly a “BFA class” is, let me explain. When you are 18 years old and enter a BFA program, you are put into an ensemble of actors that you will take coutless classes with for four years. You are chosen to grow as artists for a reason. This group will become your family. I know for certain that mine did. You know the ins and outs of each other's lives, and you will see each other through some of the most difficult changes in your young adult life, and you will love each other, most ardently, always. The moment you fall in love with this new found family you start to dread the big goodbye that will come at the end of your undergrad journey together. Most programs will have a send off or showcase of some kind to help the seniors say goodbye to the journey they had embarked on together as a class. But, all of that was long gone now, and I never was able to even say goodbye.

Once this realization hit I began to feel quite uneasy. I was in mourning for my own production, the work of my most beloved peers, and for the memories that had been cut short due to needed protective measures. I understand that we are in a trying time, believe me, but it was hard not to just selfishly get lost in the pain surrounding my world.

I then, and honestly still now, was searching for a way to get out of this pit I had found myself in. Alone, without my class, and out of “work”, I spent two days just crying and spinning in the fact that this is not going to “be okay”. There is no possible way that it can be. These productions, senior events, and memories that were to be made have been released from our control. That cannot be fixed or made to be “okay”. Which is life. Sometimes things will not turn up in the end. I had to allow myself to mourn these losses. It’s a healthy thing to do. Once I allowed my heart to start to heal then I was able to start making something of the mess that we have found ourselves in.

Once my heart was able to escape from the “dark parts” of this time I began to think, in this time of uncertainty, what closure and security can we grasp from the art we have left behind? In search for answers, I went back to my Almost, Maine show bible to re-read my director's notes in hopes that I would find some closure and solace to grasp onto. I had a note written on a personal doc that said “Leave your light on, the great work now begins”. I can’t remember if this was for a particular character or for myself. But those words changed everything for me in this time. I could now see this as a time to work on the things I had never had time to, write the next great (or not so great) piece of art, and even allow myself some time to rest.

So, to my fellow senior BFAs - leave your light on, get some rest, and keep working toward that next great thing.

Because now is the time where the great work begins.

Kaycee Swierc is a graduating senior of the BFA Acting program at Texas State University. While her degree is in acting her true passion is doing behind the table work. She will be moving to New York City this fall to pursue a career in casting and directing. www.kayceeswierc.com

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